“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
There’s nothing like divorce to make you feel crappy about yourself. You’ve probably heard insults, criticisms, and blame that have crushed your self-esteem. When people don’t get what they want or feel lousy about themselves, they lash out. Maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of this negativity which could have been loud and obvious or understated and manipulative.
Sometimes, people just aren’t meant to be together anymore. The nourishment, admiration, and kindness has left the room. What a gift to be able to discover yourself again. Perhaps this time around, you’ll trust your thoughts and feelings enough to not give a hoot about what others think. Let’s start with your ex!
The people pleasing stops now. Unless it’s yourself you are trying to please. No one knows what is best for you but you. Look first to yourself for advice and then turn to some trusted advisors. You know…the people who lift you up and give you great energy.
Start a “ME” journal to get to know yourself again as a single, independent, lovable, interesting person.
Write about your best traits. What have others complimented you about over the years? What do YOU like about yourself?
List some interests and hobbies that you’ve let go over the years. Look back to your childhood and get reacquainted with the things you are naturally attracted to.
Make a goal list. What do you want your life to look like in a year? Five years? Include specifics about career, relationships, finances, and free time.
What’s that old saying? Be yourself, because everyone else is taken!
Deirdre Shaffer, MSW, LCSW