How Not to Sabatoge Your Next Relationship
Are you hungry for that lovin’ feeling? But why is true love so elusive? Why does it so often lead to heartbreak? Check out these heartbreak clues and see if any of these offer clues. Read on to see how to get better results in love.
1. You are miserable being single.
Wanting love is very different than being desperate for love. Are you loveable, that is, can someone else love you when you don’t even like yourself? If you are looking for someone to rescue you from yourself, you will need to become your own hero first. Loving and respecting yourself are very attractive features, and will attract a self-respecting partner. The converse is also, unfortunately, true.
2. No boundaries.
You have few, if any boundaries for your own or your partner’s behavior or status. Are you too accepting of bad or disrespectful treatment for fear he or she won’t want to bother with you any longer? Are you or is this partner not really available to commit to this relationship? Do you say yes when you wish you could say no?
If the person you are involved with is still married, or not fully divorced and healed, he or she is not really available to you. Open your eyes. If you don’t want to waste a lot of your life in a relationship that is really going nowhere healthy, set a boundary that you will not get involved with someone unless he or she is fully available, right now, and treats you respectfully, consistently over time. Ditto for you.
3. Trust and commitment are missing in action.
Attraction is the first ten features you care about in a partner. Attraction and chemistry are important ingredients in a love relationship. But over time, they are likely to fade. The intensity of attraction and chemistry are boosted by the hormone, dopamine, which, like adrenaline, energizes and makes a new relationship feel exciting.
Over time, that is 2 months to 2 years, the effect of this dopamine will dissipate, and a feeling of “ho-hum” will set in, unless new ingredients, like trust and commitment, which are highly bonding dynamics, grow.
Like salt and pepper, trust and commitment and other bonding dynamics will enhance the flavor of the attraction between you. Otherwise, your relationship will begin to feel bland, or downright distasteful.
Destination: Lasting Love: Get started on the path.
Wanting a loving, secure relationship does not mean you are actually ready for one. To be truly ready and available for a lasting, healthy relationships here are some essential ingredients:
Feeling good about your yourself and your life
Knowing who you are and what is important to you in a relationship
Having boundaries that, like mosquito repellant, repels unhealthy behaviors
Work with a relationship coach to proactively build self-love, and to learn the tangible steps towards a healthy, thriving relationship that is right for you both!
Annette Carpien is a life, love and dating coach, marriage educator, workshop leader and motivational speaker. Annette’s 37 year marriage is hotter and better than ever. Annette knows how to help singles and couples to succeed in matters of love.
Call for a complementary chat – no charge!
Check out GreatRelationshipsCoaching.com or call Annette Carpien at 610-428-2755
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