Introducing the new boyfriend or girlfriend to your kids – Interview with Amy Siock Paynton
Watch this great conversation about how and when to introduce a new romantic partner to your kids with Amy Siock, executive director at the Alpha Resource Center and Barbara Mainhart, Outreach Coordinator with transcript below.
BARBARA: I know when we talked about doing a discussion on INTRODUCING THE NEW BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND TO THE KIDS, you mentioned what a pivotal topic it is, yet a very challenging one to address. WHY???
AMY: Great question, Barbara, and an Opportunity to bring up my DISCLAIMER: It is CHALLENGING because we are dealing with mini humans, each one different! This is NOT a black and white topic! We are dealing with various ages of the divorced children, are they prone to anxiety or inherently more laid back kids, how close what was family before, did the other parent 100% leave? POINT IS, make sure you PRIORITIZE your child’s emotional wellness in this! Get them an individual Counselor if needed to process all the INDIVIDUALIZED changes. I AM HERE WITH GOOD REFERRALS FOR THEM IF YOU NEED!
BARBARA: ANY OTHER REASONS DATING AND KIDS IS SUCH A HOT TOPIC WITH SUCH HEARTFELT, EMOTIONAL INTENSITY?
AMY: Yes, YOU ARE DEALING WITH TWO VERY POWERFUL FORCES!!!
ONE: Do you Remember, Barbara, being 16 and in LOVE?? Do you also remember Science class then and the neuroscience behind the FEELGOOD CHEMICALS dating naturally produces? Take these and entice a newly divorced parent… who can be more emotionally/financially stressed, more stressed with extra single parenting duties, longing for anything positive, thinking a night out on town over a Friday night completing legal paperwork….PLUS
b) Your innocent kids brought into the possible divorce mess and you are LONGING to be a happier parent to them, get some of their “Normal” Mom or Dad back.
VERSUS
TWO: YOUR PRECIOUS CHILDREN’S REALITY! = Overwhelming sense of LOSS! THEIR WORLD WAS JUST ROCKED! Keep in mind they just lost a parent in their own home. Their every wake-up and bedtime might be different. Even if they still have 2 loving parents, YOUR time may be divided… Their stay-at-home-mom may now need to work. They may be little , but they may have BIG emotions; their sadness masked in teenage Bravado, The fact is, kids don’t really want to meet all those NEW, PLENTY OF FISH dating site partners (even if they say they do to please more depressed than usual you)! THEY HAVE PLENTY OF CHANGE TO DEAL WITH! 😊
YOU may be Dreaming of frolicking with your new partner and their kids… To them, it is another child competing for their more tired parents’ attention.
BARBARA: I KNOW YOU MENTIONED A POIGNANT STORY ABOUT THE OLD DISNEY MOVIE, PARENT TRAP, KIDS LONGING FOR PARENTS TO BE TOGETHER INSTINCT? YES! Thanks for bringing up. I am remembering a little boy. Probably around 7. Parents apart 4 years. Mom asking his opinion on new partner after them being friends for a while and son seeing new partner being a Helper to mom. Child was surprisingly hesitant with answer, No answer then Mom ..”Wait, do you want mom and dad together?” “YES!!!!” and sobbed like a baby in Mom’s arms for first time ever post-divorce.
BARBARA: OKAY, THOSE ARE SOME REALLY GOOD THEORIES BEHIND WHY YOU NEED TO TREAD LIGHTLY INTO THE DATING WORLD. WHAT ABOUT PRACTICAL TIPS FOR PARENTS?
For more information about this topic, read our blog Are Your Children Ready to Meet Your New Partner?
To contact Amy, call 1-800-310-9085 or email to aspaynton@alpharesourcecenter.org
©Alpha Resource Center
