Thriving after Divorce IV
There is another way to Thrive after Divorce that I believe is important to mention. This idea has not only benefited me, but group members and family and friends as well. Once you level off at a relatively stable place in the grief process, and you feel you are moving beyond simply surviving, you may have the chance to look around and become aware of people who are still in the worst stages of suffering. This is when you’ll be given the opportunity to offer assistance and empathy to someone else. If you choose to lend a hand, you’ll find this offers a wonderful pathway to greater healing.
Even if you still feel a bit lost, or angry, hurt, or sad, when you step beyond your pain to assist someone else who is struggling, you’ll discover that the kindness you offer helps you in your own healing. Reaching out with understanding, offering compassion and the gift of time to someone in pain, creates a level of security for you and builds a shared bond of understanding between the two of you. The kindness you extend also creates a distance between you and your own pain. (Even if it’s only for a little while.) Don’t force yourself into this. Make sure that it feels authentic and heartfelt and if it doesn’t feel natural to you, then it may not be right for you at this time, or it may not be one of your paths to thriving. (No need to worry – there are others.)
When you extend genuine heartfelt concern in response to someone else’s suffering, you experience a shift, which allows you to move beyond the spiral of thinking and ruminating you may be caught in, regarding your own situation. You’ll gain a broader perspective, which allows you to understand what someone else is going through. As you offer thoughtfulness and compassion, you will begin to feel empowered and capable, and useful in the best possible way, turning your pain into a pathway for healing.
When you are in the depths of despair and suffering greatly, instruction and information are not the order of the day. What is most needed is often a heartfelt hug. Having someone with shared experience who can listen and understand is the most precious gift. There may be times when an individual who is struggling will want guidance and advice, but many times the greatest gifts that a human can give to another are kindness, compassion, understanding and love.
Relating this back to our goal for Thriving after Divorce allows us to see that whether we physically or figuratively put our arms (and care and concern) around someone who is in pain, allows us to help them in their healing process, which also aids in our healing process. To offer understanding and compassion to a fellow human being is almost always more helpful than offering words of wisdom or advice.
Reaching out to help another in need, particularly when we understand their struggle because of similar painful experiences, is one of the best ways to move from surviving into thriving. Offering a kind heart, awareness and a sense of compassion will create a transformation in you. This is how you heal, and this is how you thrive.
Weekly Dose Divorce Support Group
Denise Palmer
