A Crash Course in Thriving After Divorce – Part II
Although this part of the series is called Thriving After Divorce, I want to state that it is entirely normal NOT to feel like you’re thriving during this time. You’re still interpreting and integrating the changes brought about by the end of your marriage and on many levels, you may still be in a state of shock. It’s much more common to completely doubt that you’re ever going to thrive at this stage of the game. When your marriage ends and you are on your own, the full weight of the truth may begin to dawn on you. You realize that it’s up to you to construct an entirely new life for yourself, with different plans, goals, and outcomes. It becomes clear that in order to move through the pain of divorce and into the next chapter, reconstructing your life is a necessity.
It can be incredibly unsettling when, following your arduous divorce, you realize that it’s now up to you to design and create the next phase of your life. One thing that quickly becomes clear, is that no one is coming to build a new life for you. This chapter needs to be made by you and for you. Enlisting the help of a guide, friend or a mentor is a great idea, but the real work must still be done by you. It’s going to take time and energy to dig deep into who you are now so that you can determine how the next chapters will unfold.
The old idea that you held that you would be living the rest of your days with your longtime partner has been dismantled. This is no longer your story. It’s time for new chapters to be imagined and written. As you discover new truths about yourself and who you are at this stage, it is important to allow plenty of time for new discoveries, as well as a great deal of patience, since there are sure to be occasional missteps along the way. Understand how entirely new this work is for you and recognize that you are digging in to discover what matters to you at this time in your life. You are unpacking who you are now, and what it is you want to do, see and be in this next chapter.
Take time to figure out your heart’s desire and on the way, be kind to yourself. Set up parameters, when necessary, that create a safe and protected space for you. Plan occasions that bring you joy. Join groups, clubs, or classes that make you feel good about yourself. Seek out those compassionate, kind-hearted friends who want to offer guidance or ideas and cheer you on during this part of your journey. Do your best to free yourself from the negative opinions and judgment of others. This is your experience, and you’re creating a new life for yourself. Invest the time and energy necessary to discern what matters most and how you want the next chapters of your story to unfold.
Weekly Dose Divorce Support Group
Denise Palmer
