A Crash Course in Surviving Divorce – Part I
In today’s Weekly Dose I want to discuss a few facts of life, particularly as they pertain to pain and divorce. I want to be able to speak the truth, even when it’s unpopular and goes against the common narrative, if it can aid in our healing process.
You will experience pain. If you are human, you will experience pain. If you will stop pushing against this fact, you will spare yourself a great deal of struggle. If you allow the pain in your life to teach you what you need to learn, your life will become harmonious and peaceful.
For most of us, when we’re in pain, we feel isolated, scared, and a bit victimized. We look around and it appears that everyone else is thriving and enjoying life. However, every person is destined for multiple struggles throughout their life. If you pay attention, you’ll see that no one escapes this truth. I don’t say this to cast a dark shadow on your day, but rather to create conversations that help normalize the truth. Everyone experiences hurt, pain and loss and if you accept that pain is an integral part of what it means to be human, you can see it for what it is and learn the lessons it is here to teach.
Divorce is painful. For those in the stages of dissolving their marriage, and especially those who did not initiate the divorce, the pain and fear during this time can feel overwhelming. It may seem like your world is ending. Feelings of anxiety, fear and alienation are normal and to be expected. After all, divorce is a death of sorts, and the process of working through the pain is basically the same process we go through when a loved one dies. When you understand that this pain is a means for processing and integrating extreme loss, you may be able to shift your perspective about what purpose pain (and your divorce) has in your life. The pain you’re experiencing as you go through divorce can be used as a vehicle to aid in your healing journey. As you start to reduce your own suffering by accepting and allowing pain as part of life, you will see how peaceful life can become when acceptance prevails.
You will be ok. Pain is part of life, we’ve established that. And the pain of divorce is one of the worst, most devastating, unexpected, undesired griefs that many of us are enduring or have endured. If we learn to accept the suffering of our situation, we can greatly benefit because pain is actually necessary for healing.
YOU are ok. You are strong enough to sit with your pain and still be ok. The pain will decrease, guaranteed. (Another fact of life.) You will move through it. You can transform your despair and suffering. The pain you’re feeling does not need to be the end of your story.
In fact, as you move through the pain toward healing, you’ll see that the best years of your life are still ahead of you, if you choose to make this your truth.
Weekly Dose Divorce Support Group
Denise Palmer
