Relationship Success

Opening Lines of Communication

In order for any relationship to be successful, there must be consistent good communication.  Although this is true for any relationship, it is most essential in marriage.  In nearly every marriage which has begun to deteriorate, lack of communication is one of the main factors.

One of the best ways to resolve this problem is to go back to the very beginning– your beginning!  Was lack of communication a problem all along, or is it a something which started at some particular point in time? 

For many couples, lack of communication was a problem since the onset of their relationship.  If you and your spouse fall into this category, it is essential that you come to terms with this problem so that you can work on resolving it.  Some people have had this lack of communication because they felt that “love would conquer all,” and therefore did not recognize the need to discuss important issues;  others have begun a relationship and even entered into marriage feeling unable to voice their thoughts, feelings, preferences, beliefs, and merely gone along with their partners on everything.  

For people in these categories, the time usually comes when they are no longer content to simply “go with the flow,” and find that major differences and disagreements occur when they attempt to assert themselves.  They may find that their spouse wishes to remain in charge;  or they may find that they and their spouse disagree on significant issues.  

In either case, opening the lines of communication is the first, essential step in asserting oneself and in beginning to reach agreements.  You will find that there will be a number of instances in which you and your spouse must “agree to disagree.” 

For many other couples, however, communication was a present factor in the beginning, but somehow managed to deteriorate over time.  Lack of time with each other due to family and work responsibilities often account for many of these instances.  Sometimes, also, a person’s priorities shift– while the marital relationship was once a person’s number-one focus, other factors in his or her life led the marriage to take second-place, somehow not seeming as important as it was at the beginning. 

In these instances, reassessing priorities is the main key to reestablishing good communication.  It is necessary to give your marriage the time and attention it needs and deserves– and to give your spouse the time and attention which he or she needs and deserves.  

There are other instances in which people simply lack good communication skills.  If this appears to describe you or your spouse, take heart– good communication skills can be learned.  Even if you are nonassertive, or do not know how to communicate effectively, it is a skill which you can learn– by practice and experience.  

Whichever of these categories describes you and your spouse, recognizing the foundation of the problem is the first step in resolving it.  

What is good communication?  When you and your spouse can talk with each other about all important subjects and even subjects which have no serious implications at all;  when you can freely share what you think, feel, believe, want, like and dislike;  when you can state your stand on important issues and listen to your spouse’s, with mutual respect even when there are matters of disagreement;  you can have good, effective communication.  

Good communication comes from practice, experience, respect and the time which you are willing to put into it!